Some of you may have noticed I took a long break from blogging and the reason is the Olympic Games or Jeux Olympiques, often abbreviated “JO”.

More specifically, the reason was the horrid 4x100m Men’s Freestyle Relay, in which the Americans beat the race favorite, the French, by several hundreths of a second. It was widely publicized by NBC that Alain Bernard, the French team’s relay anchor, stated that “the French came to smash the Americans”. Embarrassed, confused, and depressed, I went into emotional hiding.

That is, until last night.

I’m proud to say Alain Bernard reclaimed his pride, his world record, and France’s gold medal last night in the Men’s Individual 100m Freestyle.

Bernard kissing the gold medal he should've won several days ago.

Ahhh… jubilation!

If only Laure Manaudou were so lucky. But alas, that girl just has too many problems on her plate.

So welcome back to the French Press!

Allez France!

Link: He’s at it again.

Guillaume Deardieu (37), an actor not so well known in America.

Tuesday night at 8:30PM French time, Guillaume Depardieu, the famous actor with an even more famous dad, was rushed to the hospital after getting into accident on his motoscooter. I suppose the whole ordeal was fairly secret since the press didn’t report anything until Thursday night.

It was speculated that his blood-alcohol level was 3 grams per liter (I’m not sure how to convert that one into our customary percentages…), which is 6 times the legal limit for driving in France.

You should see now why I wasn’t interested. Just another actor who got drunk and made a stupid mistake. Typical.

But then I learned that Guillaume here not only had gotten in a similar accident before in 1995, he also lost his leg because of it. Mon Dieu!

After undergoing several knee surgeries for his right knee as a result of the accident, he lost his leg in 2003 because of an infection contracted at the hospital. After that, he started his own charity for victims of hospital-caused infections.

So you can tell this guy has a heart, but unfortunately it is often intoxicated with alcohol. He is also talented, winning the César (the French Oscars) for Best Actor in 1996.

But he has an extensive history with the law. In 1988, he was spent nearly 2 years in house arrest for drug-addiction and heroin trafficking (he was only 17 at the time which is why I think he wasn’t put in the big house). Then in 2003 (before or after the amputation, I’m not sure), Depardieu was sentenced to 9 months in prison for shooting a bullet after an “altercation” with a fan. The fan wasn’t hurt, but that still meant 9 months in prison for the actor. Then again, on February 10th of this year, Depardieu was caught driving his scooter under the influence and sentenced to 2 months of prison as a result.

Now that’s quite a busy schedule.

In this most recent accident, his prosthetic leg was crushed, his face burned from the rubbing against the road, and his arm and elbow broken. The actor was released today around 7PM French time.

I had never heard of Guillaume before this recent accident, but I’m sure many of you know of his father, Gérard Depardieu, the celebrated French actor who played everything from Cyrano de Bergerac to Katherine Heigl’s father in the terrible My Father the Hero.

I hope everything works out for Guillaume in the end, but he definitely needs to get his act together!

Conduis soigneusement…

Link: My Le Big Mac already costs €5! Now this?!

If you’ve ever been lucky enough to watch French television, you may have noticed peculiar subliminal messages being popped into your head. But no worries, this isn’t the work of greedy corporations, it’s the just the French government trying to watch your weight. By law, all commercials advertising food must have a message at the bottom of the screen telling you to “avoid snacking in between meals” and the ever-so-classic “please eat in moderation”.

Alas!! Is this the secret to why the French never get fat?!

Hardly. Not only are these messages microscopic, obese people DO exist in France, I can assure you.

So France has decided to listen to the old adage “power of the purse”; to stop people from eating foods that are too fatty, too sweet, and too salty, the French government is mulling over a tax on these foods. The tax would show up in the TVA (a.k.a. sales tax) and would be 19.6% of the purchase! Now 19.6% means business! Especially considering that all items not considered fatty would receive a reduced sales tax of 5.5%.

And it wouldn’t just be foods either— beverages would fall under the categories of too fatty, too sweet, and too salty. Of course this means sodas, but I feel the government is going a bit too far with this one:

Alcoholic beverages. Since the tax would apply to all foods and beverages considered “unnecessary” for a healthy diet, it would be incoherent for alcoholic beverages to be excluded. Even Le Monde takes the time to say what’s on your mind right now… wine. The very beverage that is a staple of French culture and the dinner table.

But don’t give the French government too much credit for this “Progressive” legislation— even they are realistic and don’t expect people to change their eating habits to accommodate the tax. For this very reason, the government hasn’t even mentioned promoting healthy eating habits as a goal of the tax. They have blatantly stated that they need more revenue and that it only seems appropriate to tax items that are essentially luxuries.

If you live in France (lucky you!), I wouldn’t start hoarding your junk food anytime soon; the tax won’t be appearing until economic situations brighten. The French government isn’t stupid (…can’t say the same for other governments…) and is waiting for food prices to decrease before imposing any tax on food.

We just only got rid of trans fats in California. Now do you think a tax like this would even be considered in America?

Salut les Mardis maigres…

I present to you Magic System with their latest hit “Zouglou Dance”! It’s currently number 2 on the French charts (after Estelle’s “American Boy” which is in English and therefore not appropriate for this blog).

I’ll warn you! This video may not please bosses and other various old people! This isn’t your classic Edith Piaf! You’ll find the lyrics and translation after the jump. And trust me, you’ll find them very amusing!

Now I’ll be honest: even with the lyrics I still have no idea what they are saying! The music video doesn’t exactly match with these lyrics so it’s kind of all over the place. But who cares? Let’s just ZOUGLOUUUU!!

Note: I also have NO idea what Zouglou means. If anyone does, please enlighten us!

Français:

-Dit monsieur c’est quoi le Zouglou Dance ?
- Héhé, le Zouglou met la joie dans le cœur des gens !

Zouuglouuuuu

C’est le Zouglou Dance !
Oh ouh oh ouh oh On va danser le Zouglou !
Oh ouh Oh Ouh Oh Venez danser le Zouglou !
Oh ouh Oh ouh Oh On va danser le Zouglou !
(Faut danser le Zouglou)
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh

C’est le Zouglou Dance

Le Zouglou est une danse, qui met l’ambiance,
qui fait bouger, qui met la joie dans tout les cœurs.
C’est ça le Zouglou Dance !
Ah mon frère, Ah notre zouglou là ! On fait pas par labeur.
Nous on est venu pour ambiance !
On va faire le show !
Nous on est venu pour ambiance !

Héhé, il faut danser sans arrières pensées
nous on met la joie dans le cœur !
C’est ça le Zouglou Dance !

Joie de vivre, Faut draguer
Joie de vivre, Partager
Joie de vivre, Nous on a ça !
Joie de vivre, On fait voguer !

Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, On va danser le Zouglou !
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, Venez danser le Zouglou !
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, On va danser le Zouglou !
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, c’est le Zouglou Dance !

Une affaire Magic System, On s’assoit pas,
On doit bouger, On Met l’ambiance, on fait le show !

C’est ça le Zouglou Dance !
(Hey mon ami, mon ami faut danser ! )
On va faire le Show !
Nous on est venu pour ambiance !

Nous on met la joie dans le cœur,
faut danser , sans arrières pensées !

C’est ça le Zouglou Dance !

Joie de vivre, Faut draguer
Joie de vivre, Partager
Joie de vivre, Nous on a ça !
Joie de vivre, On fait voguer !

Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, On va danser le Zouglou !
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, Venez danser le Zouglou !
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, On va danser le Zouglou !
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, c’est le Zouglou Dance !

Hey ! En Zouglou on dit pas il faut danser,
on dit faut libérer, on libère les gars !

- Euh sa se danse comment ça, Le Zouglou Dance ?

Zouglou on Libère, Zouglou on libère,
Zouglou on tend les mains, Zouglou on bouge les pieds,
Zouglou on bouge la tête, Zougoulou catan,
zougoulou catan, zougoulou catan, Zouglouuu…

Joie de vivre, Faut draguer
Joie de vivre, Partager
Joie de vivre, Nous on a ça !
Joie de vivre, On fait voguer !

Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, On va danser le Zouglou !
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, Venez danser le Zouglou !
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, On va danser le Zouglou !
Oh Ouh Oh Ouh Oh, c’est le Zouglou Dance !

-Tell me mister what’s the Zouglou dance?
-Haha, the Zouglou dance puts joy in people’s hearts!

Zouuglouuuuu

It’s the Zouglou Dance!
Oh yeah oh yeah oh We’re going to dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh Come dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh We’re going to dance the Zouglou!
(Gotta’ dance the Zouglou)
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh That’s the Zouglou Dance!

The Zouglou is a dance, that sets the mood,
that makes you move, that puts joy in your heart.
It’s the Zouglou Dance!
Ah my brotha’, Ah our Zouglou here! You don’t get that from work.
We came here for the athmosphere!
Let’s put on the show!
We came here for the athmosphere!

Haha, you need to dance without thinking of your ass!
We put the joy in your heart!
It’s the Zouglou Dance!

The joy of life, gotta’ pick it up
The joy of life, share it
The joy of life, we got it!
The joy of life, we’ll make it hip!

Oh yeah oh yeah oh, We’re going to dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh, Come dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh, We’re going to dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh, it’s the Zouglou Dance!

This is Magic System business, don’t sit down,
You gotta move, We set the mood, we put on the show!

That’s the Zouglou Dance!
(Hey my friend, my friend, you gotta dance! )
We’re putting on the show!
We came for the atmosphere!

We put joy in your heart,
Gotta dance, without thinking of your ass!

That’s the Zouglou Dance!

The joy of life, gotta’ pick it up
The joy of life, share it
The joy of life, we got it!
The joy of life, we’ll make it hip!

Oh yeah oh yeah oh, We’re going to dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh, Come dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh, We’re going to dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh, it’s the Zouglou Dance!

Hey! In Zouglou we don’t say you gotta dance,
we say you need to let go, so let’s let go guys!

- Uhh how do you dance that… that Zouglou Dance?

To Zouglou you let go, To Zouglou you let go,
To Zouglou hold out your hands, to Zouglou move your feet,
To Zouglou move your head, Zougoulou catan,
zougoulou catan, zougoulou catan, Zouglouuu…

The joy of life, gotta’ pick it up
The joy of life, share it
The joy of life, we got it!
The joy of life, we’ll make it hip!

Oh yeah oh yeah oh, We’re going to dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh, Come dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh, We’re going to dance the Zouglou!
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh, it’s the Zouglou Dance!

Sure the lyrics may be a little stupid, but they just want everyone to get on the dance floor and be happy so I support the Zouglou message!

Et ne mens pas! Tu veux Zouglou aussi!

Aujourd’hui le mot du jour est: tête (f.)

Today, the word of the day is: head (feminine)

Today’s word is inspired by this weekend’s bounty of freaky decapitations! Let us all be proud of our heads! Not everyone is so fortunate you know!

Exemple: Si on est décapité, on n’a plus une tête.

Example: If one is decapitated, one no longer has a head.

And for the heck of it, let’s do it in Italian too!

Esempio: Se si è decapitato, non ha più una testa.

Hear it spoken in French, Franglais, and Italian! That’s three languages folks! Please realize that my Italian pronunciation is far from being perfect, and that sentence could very well be wrong. That’s why this is the French Press.

If you are learning la belle langue, please note that tête is feminine in French! If you’re learning la bella lingua, testa is also feminine!

Link: Do You Really Need the Tuna??

On the afternoon of August 4th in Port-Saint-Louis-du-Rhône, France (the central, southern coast), 200 amateur fishers gathered to protest the red tuna ban imposed on July 9th by the European Union.

The ban arose from concerns of Belgian fisherman, reporting that red tuna catches were extremely low all across Europe. After some scientific research, it was discovered that the red tuna was being so severely over-fished that the species was actually undergoing mutation!

The problem is that red tuna were being caught indiscriminately in large nets by large fishing companies. Many red tuna were finding themselves on dinner plates before even reaching sexual maturity. So the tuna population responded— the age of sexual maturity in red tuna began to decrease.

It goes without saying that this opened a whole new can of worms (no fishing pun intended). Some male red tuna were actually found with both male and female genitalia, unable to produce offspring. It’s an impending ecological disaster to say the least.

Thus came about the red tuna fishing ban on July 9th; however, the 200 amateur fishers are protesting because they say they only represent 1% of the annual red tuna catch when compared to large fishing companies. Why should the common man be punished because of the Man’s carelessness? Furthermore, the amateur fishers argue that they use fishing rods, rather than the large nets that the companies use to bring in huge catches.

It’s interesting to note that the organization of fishers says 200 protesters were present, when the police claim there were only 100.

Now, I understand why people would want to fish as a hobby, but I don’t understand why they need to fish the red tuna. It’s obviously a species in danger, so why not fish another species for sport? Bass are perfectly good fish aren’t they?

And 1% of the annual catch may be small, but it’s still 1% too much!

But alas, I’m neither a fisher nor a red tuna, so I suppose the argument has nothing to do with me. However, I do care about species diversity!

Vive le thon rouge!

You may of heard of the bus incident in Canada that happened this week. I didn’t blog about it because it wasn’t French Canada… but the basic gist is that a man went crazy and started stabbing a bus mate. After being locked on the bus alone with the body after the other passengers fled, the killer taunted the people with the victim’s decapitated head.

This story is so eerily similar, I’m starting to worry if this is going to become and epidemic! It must be something in the air…

Link: ‘Til Death Do I Part You

The night of August 3rd in Greece (early this morning for America), police reported a man that was brought into custody for murdering his wife; however, this is in no way a conventional murder.

On the Greek island of Santorini, four policemen stopped the man, 35 years-old, as he was walking around the village— carrying his wife’s head and the knife he had used to separate it from her body.

The man had been admitted to a psychiatric clinic in the past, but obviously, he was a more than a little loco.

When police approached him, he threatened them with the head and the knife, even managing to injure one of them. Police shot him four times in the leg to immobilize him, but he still managed to get into a car and drive off, thus a car chase ensued. The chase only lasted a few minutes, however, because of the man’s injuries.

Now all together… WTF?!!

I can only imagine what the couple was arguing about… For all of you out there with cold feet, here is one more reason to NOT get married.

En effet, j’aime bien être célibataire!

UPDATE: I just found this article on CNN: Learn how to speak French you idiot!. It’s interesting how the information is different between the French and English source… trust whom you want…

Needless to say, the murder shocked everybody in France and developments have been making the front page for several days now. Detectives were closely following any trail left by DNA. Yesterday, a DNA sample produced no results from the national database, only the fact that the murderer was male.

A police sketch of the couple arrested, Noëlla Hugo, 48, and Stéphane Moitoiret, 39. They were found hitch hiking on the side of a road.

However, a positive turn of events when police were able to pin down a suspect who lived nearby the area, but had recently dissappeared. The couple was found on August 3rd after being reported by drivers who reported the couple trying to hitchhike. They have been described by police as a couple of “dropouts”.

Police have stated that the male is the number one suspect at moment since his DNA closely matches DNA found on Valentin’s clothes.

Tomorrow (but today in France— damn time differences!), Minister of Justice Rachida Dati, whom I’ve blogged about before, is going to Lagnieu to give her respects to the family of the victim.

I’m sorry for the descriptive language, but it’s all to show you how horrifying this murder is. It’s not right for an 11 year-old to lose his life like that.

Désolé si t’es déprimé(e)…

Plus, this ad is just so great— I had to post it!

If you were wondering, £8,995 is almost $18,000. So you won’t have to rob that bank!

Kind of depressing that we won’t see this ad in the US because Peugeot doesn’t really have an American market. As you can see, they usually make the small “European” cars. In my opinion, better mileage, easier parking, and lower price?! What’s the damn hold up?

Que faites-vous pour une nouvelle voiture?

Link: Top 50 French Personalities

I’m sorry to say that my girl Carla only reached the 50th spot this time around, but never fear! It was her first time on the list and she only started becoming popular with the people of France around March, when her relationship with Sarkozy exploded. I expect her rank to increase, very, very soon.

Equally unfortunate is Sarkozy’s ranking– 44th, down 12 spots from six months ago. I’ll let that speak for itself.

The “coveted” number one spot was given to Yannick Noah, a former tennis player, now musician, who has been active in charity work. He is the guy who trademarked the tennis move where you hit the ball between your legs. From my experience, I can safely tell you that this move is often imitated, but never matched.

However, Noah isn’t who I wanted to focus on today (no offense to the Noah lovers out there). Instead, I want to talk about who came second in the survey: Dany Boon.

Dany Boon is a French comedian and actor who became extremely popular this past March with the movie Bienvenue chez les Ch’tis, translated into Welcome to the Land of the Sh’tis (though I personally hate this translation). The movie managed to break box office records, earning $39.7 million in it’s first week. Sadly, this is only second to Titanic (but only sadly because it’s Titanic).

Boon comes from Nord-pas-de-Calais, a region in the northernmost part of France. Just as America’s regions have certain stereotypes, so do the regions of France! The Northerners are often considered as unusually stupid (this region has a mining tradition), and are characterized by their strange “accent”, which is really just their own local dialect.

Now, Boon loves his roots and so he wrote Bienvenue almost entirely in the local dialect, known as Ch’ti. Before he knew it, his simple comedy about a Southerner sent to the North on business became an instant hit and now the subject of this blog post!

Culturally, I found this extremely interesting because here is a movie that the French love, but that other cultures will never understand. This movie is literally untranslatable— there is simply no way to translate the awkward misunderstandings that occur because of the local dialect. To a non-Francophone, Ch’ti sounds like French and nothing more.

Obviously I’m not the most French-fluent American ever known to man, but I don’t understand much of anything that’s said in Ch’ti so consequently the humor falls flat for me. Apparently, a native French speaker can understand what they are saying with the exception of radically different phrases.

Personally, this is really frustrating; there is a movie on this planet that I may never understand unless someone explains everything to me! Doesn’t it kind of make you wish you knew what you were missing?

So I researched a little Ch’ti to see what the major differences were, but the differences are EXTENSIVE, and I suppose I don’t care that much about the movie… I’ll stick with my French comedy classics thank you very much.

My research did yield a funny nugget of Ch’ti-ism, however. At www.Chti.org you’ll find funny stories with Ch’ti sound recordings to go with them, so I present to you a story entitled “Les tampax”…

“Les tampax” Audio recording

Le petit Cafougnette discute avec un copain dans la cour de l’école

PETIT CAFOUGNETTE: T’as d’mindé quoi, ti, à ch’Père Noël ?

COPAIN: Mi, j’ai d’mindé un train électrique, et ti ?

P.C.: Mi, j’ai d’mindé des tampax !

COPAIN: Quo qu’ch’est qu’cha ?

P.C.: J’n'in sais rien ! Mais avec, té peux faire du vélo, du bidet, de l’gym et pis nager à l’piscine !

Little Cafougnette and his friend are having a discussion during class.

CAFOUGNETTE: What’d you ask Santa Claus for this year?

FRIEND: Me, I asked for an electric train. What about you?

CAFOUGNETTE: I asked for tampax!

FRIEND: What’s that?

CAFOUGNETTE: Oh, I don’t know… but with them you can bike ride, ride a horse, go to the gym and even swim at the pool!

Laisse tes commentaires!